Hunting for Love Read online

  “That’s some shit, Jon. But you know not all males are scumbags, right? Not to mention after everything that happened, you’re better off finding someone else, anyway. If Claira could leave you so easily, it wasn’t meant to be, man.” At the mention of that woman I winced noticeably, and Paul shuffled over to clap a large, callused hand on my shoulder. “You didn’t make a mistake coming here. Trust me.”

  “I still don’t understand how she could just leave me like that, Paul.” It took me a full minute to make words, but Paul didn’t push or probe. Instead, he just sighed heavily as I brought my beer to my mouth and gulped. The wounds were still fresh, having barely healed at all in these past few months since Claira had left me. After two years, though, I couldn’t expect any better.

  We were compatible, she and I, but obviously someone else was even more so.

  “Jon, I don’t know shit about what you’re going through, but believe me when I say you’re going to get through it. You’re a strong guy, inside and out. Just because Claira took that for granted doesn’t mean anything. If she wants to be with an asshole who doesn’t take her feelings and what she wants into consideration, that’s her choice. I just hope she doesn’t come crawling back to you before you find a nice girl. You’re too nice and sentimental not to take her back.”

  Ducking my head at Paul’s assessment, I clenched my jaw and blinked hard as I stared at the dark fabric of my jeans. I hated that he was right. I probably would take Claira back if she begged and cried enough.

  I hated seeing a woman cry.

  Chapter Three: Lucy

  Glancing at the clock, my eyes narrowed and my blood boiled as the seconds ticked by loudly in my ears. The bar was supposed to be open for half an hour already, but Ryan wasn’t back yet. There was absolutely, positively no way I was going to manage this on my own. Sitting on the bar top with a full, cold beer in my hand, I watched the second-hand tick full circle before jumping to my feet.

  “Screw him. I’ve had it with this place.” Taking a long, deep swig of my beer, I wiped my mouth as my sneakers pounded against the hardwood flooring. My body trembled slightly as I rounded the end of the bar, and the beer inside my bottle swished unsteadily.

  Reaching for the front door, my fingers wrapped around the shiny, brass handle before I paused. A shadow of doubt draped over my mind, and I bit down on my lip while my brows drew together.

  Ryan will definitely fire me for this. The thought was fleeting when I remembered I hated this job almost as much as I hated the long, freezing-cold Alaskan winters. As I yanked open the barrier with a small grunt, my eyes scanned the near empty streets. The cresting sun cast everything in gold, but I couldn’t appreciate the sight as red clouded my vision. No one even hits the bar until 8 p.m. or later. There’s no damn reason to open at 7 p.m.

  With that reasoning, I started down the sidewalk. This town was clean, at least; there were only hairline fractures in the pavement and not a single pothole on the road. Granted, there was only one real road, and it stretched down Main Street before turning to gravel and then dirt.

  Every other “street” was actually a driveway leading to multiple houses because this whole town was filled with rat pack-like humans. They liked being close enough to snoop on each other.

  In the back of my mind, the creature that separated me from everyone else stirred and a frustrated groan bubbled up from my depths.

  “Why can’t you just go away permanently! I don’t want this! I don’t want to live in this crap town because it suits you!” As I stomped my heel into the pavement, vibrations rattled up my spine to fill the thin space between my brain and my skull. Tears sprang to my eyes at the sudden surge of anger, but I beat them back viciously. There was more of that moving sensation against the back of my skull, and a deep ache twisted my abdomen.

  “I wish I wasn’t even born if I have to live this way.” Passionate, filled with venomous conviction, my declaration filled the empty causeway. Swiping my palm over my eyes, I took one last drink of my beer before tossing the half-empty bottle into a gutter. My steps were heavy as they led me down the street, away from the bar seemed to be the center of my whole life.

  I reached the edge of town before I paused again, taking a deep, ragged breath of the fresh air that blustered through the forest. Guilt started to fill my chest, the sticky, black tendrils wrapping around my lungs and squeezing my heart. One more step and the sidewalk would end, and I stared blankly at the sudden drop-off of pavement to gravel.

  “When was the last time you shifted?” Todd’s words rose in my mind, and I pressed my lips into a thin line. It had to be long before winter came… or even autumn…

  A soft groan escaped my throat at the thought, and I shook my head violently. I didn’t leave the bar to shift. I didn’t leave just to get pounded by my own subconscious. I didn’t leave to be more miserable than I was while I was stuck in that building.

  So, then, what was I doing out here, talking to myself and taking my frustrations out on the sidewalk?

  “I look like a crazy person.” Before I could really even think of what that meant, the words just bubbled up to grumble from my mouth. My gaze grew unfocused, my mind unable to discern one pebble from another. Wrapping my arms around myself, I buried my fingers in my shirt as the breeze started to whip sharply against my bare skin.

  Crouching down, I balanced on the balls of my feet as my tears threatened to overwhelm me. I really was a crazy person to have a breakdown in the middle of the street. And over what? Something I can’t change? That’s the true definition of insanity.

  For a long few minutes, all I could hear was the blood pounding against my eardrums, fueled by the hard, rapid beating of my heart. My lungs burned with each harsh breath I took, and they trembled with every exhalation that emptied them. The haunting presence in my mind was silent, but even then I could feel her the same way a person felt a bug on her arm.

  “-ey… Hey…” Large, warm palms settled on my shoulders, giving me a soft shake. My eyes popped open, my heart leaping into my throat to block any air that tried to flow into my lungs. I twisted as the blood drained from my ears, the sounds around me crashing into my scope of comprehension. Birds chirped, and the wind rustled the leaves on the trees that marked the edge of the forest surrounding the town. The soft puffs of the other person’s breath were steady and slow, while I couldn’t breathe at all.

  Soft brown eyes stared back at me, shining under the golden rays of the sun like melted chocolate. The expression in those eyes radiated concern, and in response, the moisture in my mouth dried up, leaving a dry, cottony feeling. There were flecks of green sprinkled in the brown eyes, and my heart slammed against my rib cage when I realized how close we were.

  “Are you alright?” Deep, resonating, rich, the voice that carried the question hit me hard enough to rock me off my feet. I landed on my butt, and the jolt that shot up my spine shook my body. Slowly more of the man’s face became clear, and my gaze left his to soak it all up. His nose was angular, and even so close to perfect I couldn’t see any indication he’d ever broken it. A sharp, defined jaw was bereft of even the slightest of shadows, and his skin was tanned in a way that showedt that he probably never had a beard.

  Squeezing my shoulders, he shuffled closer until the heat from his body slithered between the stitches of my clothes.

  “Do you need any help?” His tone was gentle, like he was speaking to a cornered, injured animal, and his probing poked little holes in my daze. I opened my mouth, but it took me only a second to close it again when nothing came out. There wasn’t even a slight, embarrassing squeak that someone even saw me like this and cared enough to check on me.

  Slowly a smile stretched onto the stranger’s face; it was nothing more than a slight upturn of the corners of his lips, but it was filled with empathy. With careful deliberateness, he removed his hands from me, and I shivered from the sudden chill that attacked my nerves.

  My mind refused to work, but of all the things I cou
ld have expected him to do, sitting down next to me wasn’t one of them. He stretched out his long, jeans-clad legs, leaned back on his palms, and heaved a massive gust of a sigh.

  “That’s okay. I’m Jon, by the way.”

  Chapter Four: Jon

  “Lucy.” My ears twitched at the raw, feminine voice that seeped into my brain. We’d been sitting here for a minute or so, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. The sun was nice, the rays streaming down from the sky to caress my face. Turning to the beautiful woman I kept company, my gaze took in her red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

  Lucy’s skin was white and soft-looking, as if she didn’t go outside much. It was marvelous, and my fingers itched to touch her.

  “Lucy. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” Pleased satisfaction radiated from the creature that craned his neck to peek at Lucy, and a smile picked up the corners of my lips. “Do you want to talk? I’m a great listener.”

  My smile fell when Lucy didn’t even react to my offer; instead, she wrapped her slender arms around her knees. She mumbled something even my exceptional hearing couldn’t catch, the light pink skin of her lips pressing against the fabric of her jeans. It was like I wasn’t even there now that she wasn’t looking directly at me. Carefully reaching out, my fingertips brushed gently down her bare bicep only to feel her muscles tense. Shuffling to cover the few inches between us, I licked my lips as my heart pounded hard against my ribs.

  “Lucy…” Anxiety pooled in my gut to eat at my intestines like acid, and I held my breath as Lucy glanced at me. Her pretty brown eyes were unnaturally dark, only sparing me a fraction of a second before training back on the gravel before us.

  “I’m fine.” The only problem with Lucy’s bland, short assurance was that I didn’t believe her. Something was off about her, something deep and profound that emanated from her entire body like inky black mist. For a long moment, I only stared, my brows creasing and a frown tugging my mouth.

  My bear struggled to rise to the surface, and I made no attempts to stop him. I didn’t go through the slight disfigurement of a half-shift, but my vision became sharper. The fine hairs in my nostrils became more sensitive, and I sucked in a deep breath that was filled with Lucy’s scent. Human thought fell away, replaced with the animal instinct that was ingrained deeply into my DNA.

  Leaning over, just a little bit, a small grunt built at the back of my throat as I examined the woman that sat next to me. She smelled human, looked human, but she didn’t feel human. That realization stumped me as I gazed at dark, rich curls that reflected the golden sunshine. Taking my hand from her, my palm slid down one side of my face as frustration joined the anxiety in my belly.

  My ears picked up the rapid thump of her heartbeat, and even after I beat back my beast I could still hear it. He clung to the outer layer of my consciousness, all his attention on Lucy while my rational mind sputtered into action.

  Rarely were my instincts ever wrong. If that side of me had a hunch, I had every reason to follow it.

  “Hey— Lucy, you can tell me.” I touched her chin with tense fingertips, and hope blossomed in my chest that Lucy would give me more than a glance. I had scooted so close now that we were almost pressed together, but she was so cold. Her skin leeched the heat from my hand, and a chill surged through my bones before her gaze connected with mine. So many things swirled behind a curtain of darkness, but at the same time there was nothing there.

  Opening her mouth, Lucy licked her lips and balled up a bit tighter into herself before actually gracing me with her voice.

  “I don’t want to go insane.” Oh, God… Realization slapped me in the face, and my eyes widened to the size of serving platters.

  She’s not really human, but she’s trying to be. The thought came with a bitter taste, and I couldn’t hide my grimace. It all came tumbling together, a chaotic mess of pieces that eventually fell into place.

  Taking Lucy’s face between my palms, I lifted her to my level as the animal inside me fought for dominance. Clenching my teeth, I found it hard to shove him back, and even then he fought his restraints. My lungs filled with more air than they could properly handle, and my chest ached from the breath I created.

  “You won’t go insane, Lucy.” It was all I could say, and my heart sank at the sparkle of disbelief in Lucy’s gaze. Now I knew why it was so discolored, and my mind frantically thought of more reassurance. “I’m going to help you, okay? You’re going to get through this, I promise. You can trust me, you know that?”

  Lucy made absolutely no indication she understood what I said. There wasn’t even the faintest twitch in her face. I rubbed circles on her cheeks, worry swamping me from all sides as my bear shuffled in agitation close to the surface. As I stared at her with narrowed eyes, my mind raced to try to figure out how to help her out of her funk.

  “I know…” Mumbling more to myself, I released Lucy’s face to push myself to my feet. Her eyes followed me listlessly, and my palm was damp when I held out my hand to her. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  All thoughts of my friends, of drinking the night away in Ryan’s bar, fled from me. In its place were visions of trees and maybe a brief conversation. For a long time, Lucy just stared at my hand, her body curled up pathetically on the ground.

  But even then, she’s so beautiful. She looked like a goddess who had been trapped, imprisoned, and needed someone to save her.

  Slowly, so slowly, Lucy’s silk-lined fingertips trailed like feathers along my skin. A shiver slid down my spine, and goosebumps washed my arms. Carefully helping her to her feet, I couldn’t help but smile slightly at the dazed expression on her face. We wouldn’t go far, but we couldn’t stay here.

  Leading Lucy in the opposite direction of the forest and toward the bar, I found that my strides were stiff. Fear of making the wrong move, of saying the wrong thing, permeated every muscle in my body. Still holding her hand, my fingers flexed around her lax grip.

  “Why are you being nice to me?” The sudden question caught me completely off guard, and I paused mid-step to turn to Lucy. She looked a bit more aware, her brows furrowing slightly and her lips thinned out. A new glint sparkled in her eyes, and my own narrowed before I opened my mouth.

  “I don’t need a reason to be nice, Lucy.” She frowned at my answer, and in my palm her fingers twitched.

  “Yes, you do.” Arching an eyebrow, I squeezed her hand absently while my mind churned. She’s not in a good place right now. Just like me. It’s better to indulge than ignore.

  “Well, I guess I’m being nice because that’s just the kind of person I am. Plus it’s good karma, and I kind of need some right now. Can I ask you a question, Lucy?” Starting our walk again, I didn’t wait for Lucy to answer. “Why are you afraid of going insane?”

  Tiny, quaint shops passed by one by one, each looking no different than the last. It was all white noise in the background of this woman that wandered next to me. Lucy pursed her lips together, whipping her head to the front to stare at her feet.

  “I’m not afraid. I just hate what I am. I’m starting to think that going insane would be better, anyway.” Lies. Lucy was a horrible liar, but I didn’t push it. I’d figure it all out at some point, anyway.

  After all, I’ve felt this connection before, and the past paled in comparison to the present.

  Chapter Five: Lucy

  “Lucy, I thought I told you to—” I winced as Ryan’s booming voice agitated my brain as it pounded against my skull. Sinking into the first chair I came upon, I dropped my head down onto my arms with a groan. My body shook, and my mind was scattered.

  I’m still sane. I guess I have to thank Jon for that. I couldn’t dwell on it before two large hands wrapped my shoulders in an iron grip. My body went rigid as my brother pulled me up straight, whirling me and the chair around simultaneously. Grimacing, my face scrunched up at the intensity that Ryan pinned down on me.

  “What happened? Why were you crying?” The urge to roll my eyes hit me hard
, and I shrugged off Ryan’s hold. Spinning the chair back around, I dropped my head back onto my arms before opening my mouth. My words were muffled, but I knew he would hear.

  “Like you care. You just want to know how much you should yell at me for not opening the bar.” Even through the half dozen pairs of eyes on me, one stood out. Caressing circles onto my back, Jon’s gaze was soft and comforting, concerned; it was a great difference compared to the curiosity from the humans at the back of the bar and the rage from my brother.

  “Seriously? Lucy, how damn dense are you? Believe what you will, but this bar isn’t everything to me.”

  A harsh snort flew from my throat before I could stop it, and I pushed myself up. Anger fueled my muscles, and the sound of the chair hitting the floor crackled like lightning through the bar. Spinning to face my brother, my body shook from the heat in my veins and my lips curled into a sneer. Ryan looked so good, like his life was perfect, and I hated it.

  “Why do you think I care about what you think of me, huh? Because I don’t! I don’t care, Ryan! I’d rather be literally anywhere else right now than here! This place sucks and everyone in it sucks!” My outburst was met with silence, but I could feel waves of aggression flowing from Ryan. Crossing my arms over my chest, my fingers balled into fists as my eyes watered.

  “If you want to leave, you can go, Lucy. No one is keeping you here but yourself. Pick where you want to go, and I’ll buy your Goddamned plane ticket. So? What do you want to do? Do you even know? And what about when you get to wherever you want to go? Are you going to ignore your beast like you’ve been doing? Are you going to let her wither away until she overwhelms you and you end up like Mom and Dad?” Low and slow, Ryan’s words sent a shiver down my spine as he took a threatening step forward. There was a chair between us, but I still didn’t feel safe. Backing up, my knees wobbled slightly in my jeans when the table I’d just occupied stopped me from moving any farther.